This is a post about forgiveness, and about how forgiveness can be a lot harder than we want it to be.
Matthew 18:21-22 – 21 Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” 22 Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.
Growing up, I ended up reading this verse a few times, and each time I read this verse I thought to myself: “Self, this means that if another person does wrong against you, you should forgive them every time that they hurt you”. For quite a while, this seemed like a very good and intelligent interpretation to me.
However, this interpretation misses something… sometimes it may take us more than once to forgive someone for the same thing.
For instance, I’ll give an example of something I’ve been struggling with. About a year or two ago, the actions of a person – let’s call them W – ended up playing a substantial part in costing me something that meant a lot to me. I know what happened wasn’t entirely their fault, and that their motivations weren’t even about hurting me personally. But that doesn’t excuse the way the situation was treated by W, and it doesn’t negate the role they played.
Now, rest assured dear readers, I have since forgiven W. I know what W did was partly due to wrongs that had been done to them earlier in life. I know W was doing what they thought was best at the time, and was trying to care for those in their life the best they knew how. And W is not a part of my life anymore, which is a very very good thing for everybody. Listen, we may forgive someone, but that doesn’t mean that what they did was okay. Depending on the situation, there is often wisdom in maintaining a healthy distance between you and another person who has wronged you.
And yet. Sometimes I’ll be going about my day, doing whatever it is that I have to do, and my mind will drift, as all minds are prone to do from time to time. Suddenly I’ll think about W, and about what they cost me. I’ll feel bitterness and anger toward W, and I’ll think about all kinds of things I could say or ways I could act toward them if I ever see their face again. And this happens in spite of me having already forgiven them, and in spite of me being in a much better place these days.
In that moment I need to forgive them again, even though I have forgiven them already.
This has probably happened about six or seven times over the last few months.
I don’t know when the last time will be that I think about W like this and have to forgive them again for the same thing. But, I do know that for myself, as well as my brothers and sisters in Christ, we are called to forgive those who wrong us, even if it requires forgiving them multiple times for the same thing. Just as Christ hasn’t given up on forgiving us, so we are not to give up on forgiving others either.