By and large, I am a huge fan of holidays. They are a great time to celebrate things that are worth remembering, and a great way to spend time with friends, family and significant others.
The only thing I don’t like about holidays are the social expectations that come with them. You *have* to get presents for people at Christmas, you *have* to visit family at Thanksgiving, you *have* to do something for your significant other on Valentine’s day. Okay, you don’t really *have* to do any of those things – Maybe you can’t financially afford Christmas presents, maybe you’re trying to avoid an argument with a certain family member, maybe you’re stuck at work on Valentine’s day. Things happen. But let’s be real. If you don’t, the people who matter the most to you are going to look at you funny, make silent judgments, and be disappointed in you, so you pretty much do have to take part even if you don’t want to.
“Well Michael”, I hear you saying. “Doesn’t someone not putting in the effort for a holiday mean they don’t care?” Well, sure, not putting in an effort for a holiday or not putting in the effort you’re expecting them to can very well be a sign they don’t care. But this isn’t necessarily the case. If someone really doesn’t care, it will be obvious in areas other than holidays as well. If it’s something that really bothers you that much, have a conversation with that person – open communication is way more important than avoiding an issue. But remember that as soon as you bring something like that up, it will turn that holiday into something the other person *has* to do, and will likely add to their stress next time that holiday comes up.
Generally I am the kind of person who takes part of and celebrates holidays because I want to, and not because I have to. I enjoy holidays, and I enjoy showing the people who mean the most to me that I care. But there’s nothing worse than someone else making me feel like I have to do a certain thing – it turns a holiday from something I take part in because I enjoy showing affection to something I do because I don’t want to disappoint the other person. The former is pursuing a positive emotion / event, and the latter is avoiding a negative emotion / event, and feeling like I have to perform holiday duties due to the latter is a frustrating and draining experience.
If you do need to have a discussion with a loved one in your life who is being a total bummer on holidays, I don’t see a good way in getting around this that will make both people immediately happy. Someone is going to in the short-term future be irked. But I suppose it may help if you make best efforts to be kind and show empathy during the conversation, and if you show appreciation and gratitude for things they do well, and forgiveness for when they try and have honest mess-ups. Improvement can be hard and is a process. Grace is important here.
Anyway, on a definitely totally unrelated note, it is Valentine’s day, and I am single, so since I don’t need to worry about any of that for today, I am going to the gym and playing chess this evening, and it is going to be freaking awesome. 😁 Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!